How To Make Your Sex Life Even Better

Home ] Communication during sex ] How to make your sex life even better - Stopping premature ejaculation ] How to make your sex life even better - Sensitivity exploring exercises in sex ] Anorgasmia and erectile dysfunction ] Manifestation ] Sex Advice For Lovers ] Women and orgasm ] [ Making Sex Better ] General advice on how to make sex better ] History of socio-sexual context ] How To Make A Woman Come Hard ]

A New Classification Of Premature Ejaculation

The Female Orgasm

Another important aspect of premature ejaculation is the way that it can actually cause a man to lose his confidence sexually, so that every time he ejaculates quickly, before he or his partner wishes him to do so, it decreases his confidence further and makes him feel more anxious about the same thing happening next time he has sex.

Because he's worrying about it, he's increasing the level of arousal in his nervous system, which to his body and nervous system feels just like sexual arousal, and so inevitably the next time he has sex he does indeed ejaculate more quickly. In this way, early ejaculation can become something that he expects and fears, serving as a trigger for internal critical self talk, which can eat away at a man's self confidence and sense of masculinity. And of course, the more he worries about it, the more performance pressure he'll feel as well, which doesn't help either.

Premature ejaculation has been categorized in various ways, but one system of classification is due to Derek Polonsky. This first category he devised was what he called "simple".

This is the simplest and easiest type of PE to deal with all a man needs to enjoy better control during lovemaking is some training in sexual techniques and some sexual coaching. In general, this kind of premature ejaculation is just due to inexperience, and it tends to disappear as a man becomes more sexually experienced and confident in his abilities. And as he becomes more experienced, he can enjoy more complex forms fof sexual pleasure with a woman - see for details!

Polonsky's second category of premature ejaculation was what he called "simple plus relational". In other words, in many cases, in a relationship between a man and a woman, PE can be a problem, but the partners will be willing to look at the problem together and help each other to get through the techniques necessary for the man to learn ejaculation control.

It's important to realize that because PE is rarely a sexual dysfunction involving only the man, both partners must take some responsibility for the changes that are needed to eradicate ejaculatory dysfunction from the relationship.

The most common kind of co-operation necessary is open and honest communication about sex, and also practicing with new sexual techniques; the woman may have to accept that she can be responsible for her own orgasm, or perhaps she may need to deal with whatever sexual issues she may have repressed. In short, the man is no longer expected to take responsibility for her sexuality as well as his own.

Polonsky's third category was what he called "complicated". As you might expect, this means that a man has deep psychological issues with sex, or possibly with women, that are affecting his sexual ability, and making him ejaculate quickly.

The simplest way of looking at this is to think of sex as something that he feels guilt, or shame, or perhaps even anger or fear about, without realizing it consciously. But because he has this aversion to it, it makes him feel uncomfortable subconsciously, and naturally he ejaculates quickly so that he doesn't have to get close to his partner or prolong sex with her.

A major aspect of this kind of premature ejaculation is the consequence of childhood experiences that were either negative or traumatic, often being caused by a parent having a negative attitude towards sex and conveying that negativity in some way to the child. This is not a recipe for happy sexuality as an adult! However, this might be a recipe for happy sexuality!

Clearly in these cases simple treatment techniques may not work, and deeper psychological analysis or counseling may be necessary, as well as techniques to improve sexual knowledge and skill.

And finally, there is the category that Polonsky called "complicated and relational". In this situation, premature ejaculation becomes a tool which both partners are using in some way to maintain the status quo.

For example, if there are long-standing difficulties between the partners that are not being addressed, it's entirely understandable that there would be some sexual dysfunction such as sexual dysfunction.

It can even be a way that woman disguises her own lack of orgasmic ability in such situations by maintaining the status quo. So what one often finds in these situations is that the partners are reluctant to take part in treatment programs or to support each other in changing.

In such cases PE is a symbol of what's unhealthy within the relationship, and you have to accept that these relationships would most likely have difficulties even if the man was able to make love with a greater degree of skill and control. If the partners are willing to work out these issues, the situation can be resolved, but couple's therapy or individual therapy may be required.


Polonsky, D. (2000) Premature ejaculation. In Leiblum and Rosen, (Ed.) Principles and Practice of Sex Therapy. 3rd edition, The Guilford Press, New York, London