Several years ago I came across an
interesting little book called How to Satisfy A Woman Every Time and Have Her Beg for More. This book has sold 2.6 million copies,
and yet it is only a slim volume – but does it really tell men everything
they needed to know about satisfying a woman?
As you may expect, I had to buy the
book to find out! The author starts, perhaps controversially, by making the
explicit statement that you cannot have sex which involves physical,
mental, emotional and spiritual ecstasy unless it's between two people who
love each other.
Truth is, satisfaction n any
relationship always begins at the same place - in bed. Of course, you can
be "just good friends", and that's very rewarding, but if you want true
satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, that is, and true pleasure, then the
best way to get it is to learn about some good sexual techniques from the
experts. You can get
sexual satisfaction here - or, rather, you can find out how to get it,
with a rather amazing load of sexual tips, hints and tricks!
Back to the book, anyway. Her starting
point is that lots of women fake orgasms – and that everyone is missing
out in a relationship where this happens – because a woman being pleasured
to the depths of her soul, and a woman taking pleasure, are, she rightly
says, two completely different women.
The author, Naura Hayden, also makes
the point, which I completely agree with, that a man's pleasure in sex is
magnified tremendously when he has a partner who is giving and receiving
"the same orgasmic joys, the same explosions of ecstasy, the same
expanding of self that carries her to the same far reaches of the universe
to which he travels."
Besides which, she rightly observes, a
man who takes time and trouble to give a woman orgasms is a man who will
be loved by the woman he loves.....
Laci Green - On Orgasms
And of course in writing about her
research on women – in which she found that the vast majority of women
faked orgasms, she touches on one of the most important aspects of all
relationships: the extent to which we are authentic and honest with each
other, and the extent to which we invest in giving each other sexual
It seems incredible that even now, in
the days when we've been exposed to sexual material in every corner and
quarter of our lives, particularly from the Internet, that women can still
faking orgasm because they're too embarrassed to discuss the situation
with their partners.
If this really does represent the
reality of women's sex lives, then no wonder that relationships don't last
– after all, without reward for sexual activity, a reward of orgasm, sex
becomes something pale and insignificant. And furthermore, a man at some
level of his being probably knows whether a woman is faking orgasm or not,
and to be honest, if she is, she must be a pretty dull sex partner – which
leads to sexual boredom and "turnoff", which in turn leads to the real
and thrill from any other woman who is willing to provide more interesting
Yet the question is really why a woman in
such situation has allowed herself to become so bored and unsatisfied – the truth is
that sex only
gets boring when one of the partners is not enjoying it.
The critical point, I think, that Nuara is trying to make is that sex is a partnership, where skill and
dedication to the satisfaction and pleasure of your partner are vitally
important to produce mutual happiness and satisfaction during sex.
No matter how dramatic the descriptions
of orgasms might be in literature, and no matter how frantic women might
act out orgasms when they're in porn movies, the truth is that if a couple
who are in love dedicate the time to find out which sexual techniques and
positions will truly satisfy their partner, their sex life will take off
like a rocket.
There are several reasons why a woman
might not tell a man that she is acting – or rather, faking orgasm –
first of all she loves him and really cares for him and she doesn't want
to hurt his feelings. Indeed, she probably wants him to feel good about
himself. But faking orgasm to do this is making him feel good at her
Then she might regard herself as being
at fault, because perhaps she's frigid or somehow deficient in that
department? Of course very few women are in fact sexually deficient – they
may not have experienced orgasm yet, but they certainly can learn to do so
with very little effort.
However, try telling that to woman is not
experiencing orgasms – she probably thinks it's her fault that things the
way they are, and she doesn't know what to do about it.
And really, women have a lot to
complain about when men make love to them ineptly.
Naura recounts the story of how she
puts out her left arm and hits it with her right fist for about 30 seconds
to demonstrate the pain and discomfort the women go through when men start
Now we all know that porn represents
sex in a way that has very little to do with our love lives – so don't
fall for the illusions that you see presented on the Internet: they are,
in fact, just that – illusions.
The other thing that women may not
understand is how amazingly powerful female orgasm can be, if
it's generated from stimulation of both the clitoris and the G spot within
It's certainly true that most of us
have a great deal of exploration and discovery to make in the world of
sexual interaction. For example, how many men know that there is a direct
line from a woman's nipples to her clitoris, and that gently teasing her
nipples will drive her to clip absolutely wild with desire?
These are things that a woman isn't
likely to tell you, but somehow expects a man to know, at least if he
wants to be regarded as a good lover.
Did you also know, for example, that
the more gently you suck on a woman's nipple, the more excited her
clitoris is going to become?
Techniques like this allow you - the
man - to
demonstrate to a woman that you're actually in control. But don't think
that means you can enter her after a bit of foreplay.....In fact, it's appropriate that a woman
tells you when she's ready for you to enter her by making her desire to be
penetrated abundantly clear.
The art of being a great lover, as a
man, is building massive desire in a woman so strong that she will be
begging you to put your penis into her – and at that point of course you
are now totally in charge, of both your own sexuality and of hers.
Teasing her until she begs you to put
it in gets her more and more aroused, and is much more powerful and erotic
than simply entering her the moment she's wet enough and thrusting away till you
So when you've got the woman
begging you to put it inside her, are you going to do that? No.
In fact what you can do to tease her even
more is to put your penis inside her by half an inch and pull it out. Then
put it in half an
inch and pull it out – and as you repeatedly do this, she's going to be going really
crazy with desire. And who knows, you might be going really crazy with a
sense of your male power!
The next step is to actually enter her
a little more – perhaps push in an inch, or an inch and a half, and then very slowly
pull out. Just keep teasing her like this by working up to putting in almost
the full length of your penis, slowly withdrawing it, and then gently
pushing it in again and .... out again and in again and out again... well,
you get the idea.
But never go all the way in till she is
ready to come. As you do
this, you'll feel her getting more and more turned on, and this in turn
will get you more and more aroused, because you're not only teasing her, but you're
teasing yourself too – and there's very little that excites a man as much
as a really turned-on woman!
Yet you are still completely and
utterly in control of the situation, demonstrating your male power, and
your ability to torture her with this sweet teasing. This allows her to
surrender to your male power, surrender to the one she loves.
And now, at the point where she's
begging you so desperately to penetrate her, you just keep going - a little bit deeper
before you come out
again slowly - and you keep that up until her body begins to quiver with
excitement – and you, of course, will continue to keep thrusting in and out
until she has an orgasm that rocks her entire body. Then you can push deep
The reason this works so well is
because you are stimulating the G spot within her vagina, which is much more
sensitive to sexual stimulation than any other part of her body except
possibly her clitoris and urethral meatus.
And interestingly enough, you'll become
so excited by her first orgasmic explosion that you won't be able to withstand
having your own orgasm. And what you'll certainly discover in the moment of
explosion is that it's the most powerful and deepest orgasm you've ever
experienced. And probably the most satisfying as well.
And bear in mind something else too –-
that if you can actually keep teasing her with your erection in
this way she could have two or three orgasms before you have your first.
This is certainly a wonderful argument for learning how to last longer in