How To Make Your Sex Life Even Better
Manifestation and the Law Of Attraction
I've added a section to this website on manifestation and co-creation because I think few of us actually appreciate how profoundly significant our own ability to create reality actually is.
Nowhere in human existence is the desire for connection more closely and intensely seen than in a one-to-one relationship, particularly where the relationship's become sexual.
Yet very few people have a relationship of the quality that they admit they desire, and it's interesting to consider why this might be so!
Certainly one of the big factors here is that people are restrained by their deeply held limiting beliefs, because these inhibit their capacity to believe that they're capable of getting something significantly better than the kind of relationships that they've enjoyed in the past.
Manifestation is a principle which allows you to control what appears in your life, by setting specific objectives, and then using some very refined techniques of visualization, goal setting, and co-creation to specify how and when certain objects, events, and experiences should manifest in your life.
The point that most people miss, when reading books like The Secret is that they don't devote anywhere near enough effort or time to using the techniques which could get them what they want.
Not only that, but their levels of desire, belief and expectancy so low that they could hardly expect the universe to manifest anything for them – it just doesn't work like that, and the truth of the matter is that without intense emotion almost no manifestation will take place.
Manifestation Techniques are basically the law of the universe which controls how manifestation works. There's a beautiful website available to you which explains the whole principle in great detail, and it's highly recommended if you want to learn more about manifestation or the law of attraction.
By using the Law of Attraction in your own life - check this out here - you're going to be far more successful and happy, and you're going to find that opportunities arise for you to create your world, get what you want, and enjoy life to the full much more frequently than they may be doing at the moment. The Law Of Attraction isn't esoteric, nor is it mystical, it's actually a natural human function which is given to us by God, so that we can all achieve success and happiness.
Sexual boredom and lack of communication between partners ends many relationships. But if a man is going to penetrate a woman sexually, and she wants him to be inside her, they can't get much more intimate and close than that, so there ought not to be any great difficulty in talking about sex. Language, however, is often a stumbling block.
For many of the sex words are simply embarrassing. We can get rid of ejaculation for a start, by using "coming".
Having sex or making love are good, and entering is nice way to say penetrating. Balls, cock and cunt may flow less easily off the tongue; fuck may be even harder for a couple who aren't relaxed about these things.
Men use the most basic words among themselves, but often when speaking to a partner will change their language. But what's really wrong with saying something like: "You've got a wonderful cunt! How do you feel about my cock?" If words like pussy are easier, then use them, but above all find some way of communicating......then you can avoid situations like this:
One man told me he had a strong desire during the half-minute or so before he ejaculated for his partner to hold his balls. "She wouldn't object, would she?" I asked. "Of course not," he said. "Then why don't you ask her?" "But that's the problem! You can't ask a woman to 'hold your balls,' and I'd feel an idiot if I whispered 'Hold my testicles, darling!' "
Though I think all couples should be able to talk about sex, I eventually suggested he just took her hand and put his balls in it. He was delighted with this idea, and it worked for him, but how much better to be able to say it.
There is a similar reluctance to use four letter words on the part of women; but a woman knows that if she is going to be really sensuous, she must throw modesty aside. How can such a fantastic human experience as whole-hearted response to sex be circumscribed by modesty?
However, if a couple really cannot bring themselves to use four-letter words during the intimacy of sex, then they will have to invent euphemisms of their own - for talk to one another they must. No couple can enjoy great sex until they are able to talk to their partners freely about their own sexual needs, likes and dislikes, and discuss freely their partner's requirements, too.
This talking together about sex is just ordinary straightforward communication. Such communication is essential, a fact probably only brought home to people who deal with the sexual problems of others. A woman complained to me that she had never had an orgasm during penis-vagina contact.
Her husband can keep going inside her for five, often ten, minutes, but she can't come in that time and always has to be brought to orgasm by hand or mouth. In all cases like this, the first question I ask is, "Who decides when your partner puts his penis into you - you or him?"
This particular woman gave what has almost become the stock answer, because it is so frequently given, "He does." "Does he ask you if you are ready?" "No, but I wish he would, because I always feel I'd like him to go on stimulating me a bit more before he does ejaculate inside me." "Why don't you ask him to arouse you a bit more, then?" "Oh, we don't talk about sex." Incredible? Yes, but also very common.....another example illustrates the same point....
Almost all women are very responsive to having their nipples rolled between fingers and thumb. Almost all men read this as "all women." But there are women whose response to this technique is irritation rather than arousal.
One woman came to me because she was worried that her reaction might mean that she was abnormal. "It just tickles," she said. "What really turns me on is to have my partner hold my breast in his hand, and squeeze it hard." "Have you told him how you feel and what you would like him to do?" "I didn't want to, in case he should think I was kinky." "Well, you're not. So tell him, and if he thinks you're funny, tell him to come and see me."
She had been putting up with real discomfort from a sexual technique which her partner used on her in all good faith, simply because they had not learned to communicate about their sexual needs!
Video - good communication
Another woman told me, "I had an affair some years
ago with a man who liked to rub his glans on my nipple until he came. It
was the wildest sensation I've ever had. And I reached orgasm
as soon as I
felt the first spurt of his ejaculate drowning my nipple. I long for my husband
to do it."
Another couple asked me to act as an intermediary to help them discuss their fears that each of them was getting fat. Truth is, they needed to go on a diet, and indeed they were both willing, but neither knew quite how to raise the subject with their partner. All that was needed was for me to hand them a copy of the Fat Loss factor and the job was done! They found this a very quick way to lose weight - but really - what an unnecessary way of getting to the desired outcome!
They had been married for four years, and in all that time she had denied herself sexual pleasure because she would not speak a few very brief words; and he had been missing out, too, for the same reason.
Despite the abundance of sexual images in the media, which makes us think that having great sex is easy, the reality is good sex depends on great communication, and that is incredibly difficult to achieve in a relationship. Letting your partner know what you like during sex needs honesty, tolerance and patience.
And of course what you want changes as time goes by. Sexual communication is therefore something that evolves and improves - but keeping at it, talking about what you want and what you need will always increase the closeness you feel for your partner and make sure your relationship will last longer!
Every man and woman are unique in how they like sexual and sensual touch. Even with bags of sexual experience, you can't predict how your current partner will react - unless you've been with him or her for ages.
Some men like it rough, so do some women; others want it gentle. Some like sex all the time; some only occasionally. Some women will reach an orgasm with only a little gentle finger play, while others will need strong vibrators or the like. So don't assume you know what your partner likes, wants or needs. Instead, simply ask them what they want!
You can start by gently touching, caressing and fondling your partner, and, while you’re doing this, you can ask them what they want or like.
For example: "Do you enjoy it when I press your nipples? Do you like your ear lobes kissed? Is this hard enough touch on your clit?"
Or you can ask while you're making love - "Do you like deep thrusts or shallow ones? Is this good for you, or do you want it harder?" Of course, there is also some responsibility on your partner to tell you what it is they want!
Give them space to be heard, so they can tell you in their own time and in their own way what they'd like. And use reflective listening so that they feel you have heard them.
Make sure you remember what they told you - it's not very exciting or reassuring to have to go through this every time you have sex.
Above all, most women (and men) want to feel that their sexual desires are appreciated and normal. So, if for example your partner reveals they enjoy being tied up during sex, or like a range of toys, and it's new to you (or you tried it and hated it), the most unhelpful response you can show is disgust or shock or any other negative judgment. If you love and care about the person, you'll make sure they feel good, by not expressing any judgments.
You don't have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, and you don't have to make your partner feel odd or ashamed because of what they enjoy. For a woman, keep telling her how attractive and desirable she is, and do not focus on her flaws. Being criticized for things she can't possibly change is a real turn-off.
A young man came to see me about what causes delayed ejaculation. He was wanting treatment for delayed ejaculation because even if he moved his penis in the vagina without stopping for an hour or more he could not ejaculate.
In fact, it took his girlfriend over an hour of continuous direct stimulation to his penis before she could bring him to orgasm and before he was able to ejaculate, and that was only on comparatively rare occasions; very often he couldn't reach orgasm at all. This young man revealed under my probing that he had scarcely any feeling at all in his frenulum and glans.
The sex books say that the massively nerve-packed frenulum - the little band of skin which joins the skin of the shaft of the penis to the membrane covering its head, on the underside is the most sensitive spot on the whole penis.
For the majority of men it probably is, but for quite a significant number their most sensitive spot may be either the rim of the opening, or the few square millimeters just below the opening, or the edge of the rim which the glans forms with the shaft, or the groove under the rim.
I asked him whether he ever jerked himself off and how long it usually took him.
"Oh, four or five minutes."
"Now you've told me your little secret, I might be able to suggest something that would let you do just that. Lie on your back, with her lying on her back on you; or, it might be more comfortable if you slouched down on the couch and she mounted you with her back to you.
"In these two positions, those vital one and a half inches can't get into her vagina. If she rubs you there with her fingertips in the way you do yourself, I'm pretty certain you will come in much less time than it takes you now."
It worked; but what is more, the fact that her boyfriend was now able to ejaculate while he was in her unblocked him psychologically, and he was soon able to function in any position. It took only a couple of weeks, instead of the lengthy psychotherapy he would have had to undergo otherwise (and with no guarantee of success).
If you try it, you will discover very quickly what a timesaver communicating is. Normally it can take ages before a couple can begin to have really good sex if they talk rather than try trial and error - though that is the only way for a couple who have not yet learned to get to know one another sexually.
Communication leads to imaginative sex; little tricks of your own invention; and it helps avoid recriminations or disappointments because you can communicate likes and dislikes before you get into bed. It saves time later, if each partner knows that as far as the other is concerned, certain things do not arouse him/her while others send them wild.
Even after you've been working at a regular sexual relationship for several years, it's no use experimenting sexually on another person if you don't know how the experiment is working; and you can't find out unless you ask and are told.
For example, how can a man know his partner enjoys three fingers exploring her cunt, but not two or one, unless she tells him? How can a woman who once had a partner who was sent wild by the gentlest of love-nips on the scrotum know that her man finds the gentlest love-nips on the scrotum excruciatingly painful, but adores quite sharp love-nips on the tip of his foreskin when it's pulled right forward, unless he tells her? (Just a wild idea you might want to try.....)
There is another use for talking, too. Lots of couples are or may be capable of being turned on by listening to each other recounting, in considerable detail, past sexual exploits.
No man or woman can use this technique unless they have the words and the freedom from inhibitions to speak them. Similarly, no couple lets any opportunity of sexual arousal slip through their fingers for want of being prepared. If a couple are not accustomed to talking to one another at all, they will be missing out on something which is an interesting and exciting sexual activity. One sure way to avoid doing so is to communicate.